The Value of "...OOPS!"

Coach Herman Boone demanded perfection of his football players in, my favorite movie, Remember the Titans.

"We will be perfect in every aspect of the game. You drop a pass, you run a mile. You miss a blocking assignment, you run a mile. You fumble the football, and I will break my foot off in your John Brown hind parts... and then you will run a mile! Perfection. Let's go to work. "

I love the quotability of this line! The longer I am in middle school education, though, I realize that I don't love the message.

Perfect is a hard measure, especially for adolescents that are hardwired to make mistakes.

My former Head of Middle School, John Stephens, introduced me to an article titled A Safe Place to Fail by Corbett Simons (the former Head of Middle School at Metairie Park Country Day School in Louisiana). It detailed the mindset that educators and parents must have with adolescents; we must provide a safe space for exploration, knowing that not all of the endeavors tackled by adolescents will be successful.

Knowing this to be the case, middle school educators must be focused on teaching adolescents how to bounce back from their mistakes. I describe this process in 3 steps.

Own what you've done in the past
When one messes up, no matter what has been done, one must own their part. Own all of it. Own the feelings and emotion around the mistake. It is okay to mess up because no one is perfect. Many times, this means a difficult conversation for an adolescent. As the adult, it is our job to make this conversation as easy as possible, recognizing that this step in the process of bouncing back from a mistake, many times, is the most difficult.

Make it right in the present
Once there is recognition of the mistake, then comes the time to begin the healing. Find a way to fix the mistake. It may involve manual labor, maybe an apology- the process of fixing the mistake is dictated by the mistake, itself. Adolescents must understand that this step is critical to the rehabilitation for those impacted by the mistake. This can be difficult, as well. This step requires vulnerability. However, in creating this vulnerability, healing is allowed to commence for all stakeholders impacted by the mistake.

Learn to not repeat the same mistake in the future
Putting lessons into practice is evidence of true learning. Adolescents are used to this practice, academically. This concept works similarly in the case of bouncing back from a mistake. Adolescents need the opportunity to prove that the experience of the mistake was transformative. This occurs as behaviors are modified to ensure that the mistake is not repeated. That isn't to say that this happens instantly; an adolescent may need to go through this process a few times. It is the job of the adults to point out growth in behavioral changes as we see them and to positively reinforce the behaviors we wish to see, especially as they may relate to bouncing back from a misstep.

As the adults, we should model this process for adolescents. Adults make mistakes all the time, and these opportunities are great ones to showcase the appropriate mistake making process for adolescents. Bam! Radio Network has a great podcast entitled My Bad. This podcast is all about administrators in schools admitting mistakes that they have made, personally. The administrators, then, go on to tell the stories of the lessons learned from the mistakes and how growth has occurred, professionally, from these experiences. This is a great example of how we, as adults, can own our mistakes and model how our adolescents can manage their own missteps.

Grit and resiliency are developed in our adolescents through bouncing back from mistakes. This means that there is great power in the value of an "...OOPS!"

 Please leave comments if you have questions or need further clarification.

Check out my YouTube channel: Chaka Cummings (The Dedicated Educator). Also, find me on LinkedIn and check out some of my published articles on education.