Teach Students to Not Give a F...

Summer is a great time to catch up on reading. I have noticed that several of my friends on social media have been reading the New York Times best seller, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson. The title intrigued me, so I figured, why not pick it up and give it a shot?!

Now that I serve as a principal, I find that there are a greater number of opportunities to partner with a vast number of faculty and parents on helping students navigate adolescence. This book really hit on several lessons that I have shared with folks for years and that help parents and faculty ensure a positive adolescent experience for students.

Suffering serves a purpose

I have had lots of conversations with parents through the years about not rescuing children from every setback or mistake that occurs during adolescence. Imagine this scenario: your child forgets their homework at home. The child calls you to have you pick it up and bring it to school for them. If, as a parent, you comply, then that will not be your last trip to school to drop off homework, or gym clothes, or an instrument, or lunch. Our actions, as the adults, are always teaching adolescents what behaviors are okay or acceptable. There is a natural consequence that comes with forgetting a responsibility, and shielding students from this consequence runs counter to prefrontal lobe brain development (this is where reasoning occurs and it isn't fully developed in adolescents). It is in receiving a consequence that the brain wires itself to help students make appropriate decisions to avoid similar consequences in the future. If students are to develop resiliency and grit during adolescence, then recognize that suffering facilitates this growth. Students overcome the negative consequences to achieve a level of success.

Focus on your values

This world is fast-paced- especially for adolescents. Access to technology allows students to communicate faster, gather resources efficiently, and engage in learning in ways that were unimaginable a couple of decades ago. Media influences adolescent thinking and has evolved over time to reach students via numerous methods. By the way, there is still traditional peer pressure. There is a tremendous opportunity to assist adolescents to discover what is most important in life and to help students find purpose and meaning in actions, thoughts, and relationships. The adults needs to be consistent in delivering messages that support appropriate values, and our actions must match our words so that the adults become the model of virtue for our adolescents. The adults must also model appropriate mistake making, as this shows adolescents that failure is a natural part of life and our values must be applied consistently during the tough times, as well. When our students are in precarious moments when a decision is required, the hope is that the student will focus on appropriate values. This helps our students to allow the distractions to fall by the wayside and focus on what is most important when taking action.

Keep growing and learning

No one has all of the answers. Learning comes from recognizing how few answers one has and asking questions to further understanding. Stubbornly holding on to a perspective hampers growth and creates fixed mindsets in adolescents. The adults must work to to teach our adolescents that questioning is okay. Question everything; question the facts being taught, question the values being imparted, questions other's perspectives, as well your personal beliefs. It is in this questioning that a person seeks knowledge and gains wisdom. We must teach adolescents that it is okay to not know; not having an answer doesn't make one stupid, just human. The best questions don't necessarily have answers, the best questions may require one to ask more questions and, more deeply, engage in the process of learning.

Please leave comments if you have questions or need further clarification.

Check out my YouTube channel: Chaka Cummings (The Dedicated Educator). Also, find me on LinkedIn and check out some of my published articles on education.